The worst day ever

Yesterday was one of z worst days ever since I gave birth. Kids were totally out of control & I was so impatient with them. I guess I never got that angry before. I never felt the need to punish them, I didn’t do it but I was thinking all day what can I do to voice out my anger rather than raising up my voice. Shouting at the kids takes you nowhere, it is not that they listen or try to behave afterwards; on the contrary they get more stubborn and provocative that you find yourself shouting even more. It is a never-ending cycle that harms you as a mother and affects the kids psychologically.

I am not saying that I am a perfect mother who never shouts; on the contrary I do that quite often. After all I am a mother of twin babies at a very difficult age but yesterday was too bad that I feel a bit guilty for having been short tempered but it was totally out of my hand. I was so exhausted and they were so active that we were world apart. I couldn’t cope with their behavior and they didn’t respond to my anger. I kept being awake for 5 hours after I put them to bed because I was analyzing every single moment of the day. I tried to give myself an excuse for what I did but I failed. I tried to understand why they were behaving as such so I can behave better next time but I can’t guarantee I will.

I could have easily neglected the day and don’t post anything about it, but I chose not to because I wish it doesn’t happen again. I decided to write about it so I keep reminding myself of it and do my best not to repeat it. I really wish that next time when my kids behave like that, I be a calmer mother. I have always heard that it is called the terrible twos (Since my kids are two years old) but I find it manageable most of the time especially when at home. Yesterday was the first time (in my 2 years maternity history) to doubt my motherly wisdom!